


Memories

by voidxgear



Category: Devil May Cry, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 18:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidxgear/pseuds/voidxgear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a place in Twilight Town, right by the train station, where the worlds meet. Some say that the  trains there even go to and from the other worlds, but no one ever leaves. And no one from another world ever shows up. </p><p>At least, no one ever remembers them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AU for a long beloved RP pairing between my best friend and I. This one is dedicated to you, Shini. Written from the point of view of Roxas.

Somewhere, a long time ago, I once knew what it was like for something to hurt this much. I don't know why, but I'd forgotten it. I remember it now, though. Not what happened, but the pain of losing someone in itself. It's like you can't breathe. There's something heavy inside your chest, weighing down in everyday life. It climbs into your throat and makes you cry, too. I felt it once. Even though I forgot, I think it lingered somewhere inside me, like a part of me never really forgot. I never wanted to lose anyone again. If you want the truth...I was scared. 

And then I met you. You made me believe that nothing could tear us apart. It hurts me so much to say it, but you were wrong. Now I'm learning that pain all over again. Is this what I'm destined to? Losing people close to me over and over again? I don't know. I'm not even supposed to feel at all. I wish that were really true. I just thought you were different. 

There's a place in Twilight Town, right by the train station, where the worlds meet. Some say that the trains there even go to and from the other worlds, but no one ever leaves. And no one from another world ever shows up. 

At least, no one ever remembers them. 

I don't have much time. I'm in a hurry and I'm trying so hard to get everything down before it happens, but I'm already starting to forget the sound of your footsteps, the feeling of your hands running through my hair, whatever little things it was you would draw on the mirror with your finger after a hot, steamy shower. More than anything, my biggest fear right now is not the pain I'm starting to feel right now, but forgetting, and looking back at this in a few hours completely confused and wondering who was able to forge my handwriting so well. 

I met you in the place where the worlds meet, that place right by the train station, on what had started out as an ordinary day. You showed up out of nowhere, completely lost. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you weren't exactly from around here. Nope, just a kid with sea-salt ice cream on his way to watch the sunset. 

I asked you if you were lost. I know, brilliant question. 

Yeah, you said, and you asked me where we were.

You're in Twilight Town, I said. How come you're here if you've never heard of it?

You weren't sure. The last thing you remembered was getting on a train, but then you fell asleep. Later, you woke up here, and "here" wasn't where you were supposed to be. In fact, you couldn't remember where you were actually going. 

I knew what it was like to be lost. Maybe not in the same way, but I knew. So I offered you to join me for ice cream on top of the tower, and maybe if you talked about it some, it would help you remember. I couldn't exactly gauge your response, but you agreed. So I bought you a sea-salt ice cream, led you up to the tower and we sat on the ledge, watching the sunset together. 

We talked about everything and nothing. So many things, yet nothing at the same time. Our lives, our memories, the things dear to us and the stuff we liked to do for fun. It started when I got you the ice cream, and you swore you'd never had sea-salt ice cream before, but the taste seemed so familiar. Soon we were smiling, laughing. That part was really nice, but my favorite part is when we stopped laughing and began to talk about the things that hurt. We were talking about what it was like to be alone, to be lost, to feel like a mere shadow, to feel like no one really knows or accepts you. Your eyes looked sad, but there was a certain light in them. Maybe it was just the sunset reflecting, but it was beautiful, and I couldn't look away. I didn't want to, so I didn't. 

Minutes turned into hours. You still didn't remember where you were supposed to go when you got on the train, and you didn't know how to get home. I took you home, and I told you that you could stay with me for as long as it took until you remembered. You seemed to like this idea, actually, so home we went. Even though it was late at night by the time we got there, we still stayed up for more hours, sitting on the floor in front of the TV. We talked some more, a lot actually, but soon the talking stopped and we just kind of looked at each other. My chest began to hurt but I didn't want it to stop. It was like there was a tiny fist inside my chest just pounding and pounding the more I looked at you. That light I had seen in your eyes when we were on top of the tower was still there. It wasn't just the sunset. It was like a permanent little light in your eyes. I...can't remember now how exactly it happened, but somehow, our lips met. It was soft, sweet, and....well, kind of wet, heh. But still nice. I put my arms around you and held you close, you held me even tighter. It was the first time I'd ever kissed anyone, but it felt like it had happened before. It felt so familiar, just like you said about the sea-salt ice cream. I can't remember most of what happened that night, but I'm pretty sure we were kissing for a long time. 

It hurts that I'm forgetting more and more things as I write this. But I need to write down everything I remember. It has to be permanent, somewhere, even if it's not in my memory anymore. I'm....so scared.....

Hours turned into days. It wasn't uncommon for me to wake up to the sight of your face, smiling back at me, greeting me into the waking world. "Good morning, beautiful," you started to say after awhile. There was one time you even tried to make me breakfast, but somehow while cooking the bacon you set off the smoke alarm. We opened all the doors and windows and aired out the place but thankfully, nothing was on fire, even though there was smoke everywhere. We ended up on the kitchen floor, the house getting a little breeze from the outside, and we just started laughing. After that, it was decided that we should...maybe stay away from the stove for a little awhile. But we were okay with that. 

Days turned into weeks. You took me out on a date. You said you figured that if we can't cook, maybe we should leave it to someone else. There was this nice little cafe on Market Street, and we went there. Sometimes we talked with our mouths full, being just generally silly, and making faces at each other. Then I messed up and spilled my fruit punch on my only nice shirt that I had worn just for this occasion. I started feeling bad, but then you took what was left of my fruit punch and splashed it on your shirt as well, and made jokes about how we looked like we just survived a war or something, and how cool that was. It made me laugh a lot. I never want that stain to come out. 

I lost count of how many days it had been. I had no reason to keep track of them. When I was spending every minute with you, it just didn't matter. I had begun to built my life around you in such short amount of time. It was almost like I'd known you in another life and we had just picked up where we left off. 

But then it began to happen.

Happiness is like a warm, comfortable blanket. And sadness is something that finds a loose thread and pulls on it, slowly unraveling it as you have it wrapped around you. And then there's nothing left. I guess it's cheesy but you were my blanket, and now you're unraveled. 

I woke up one morning to see your face like always, but...the wall behind you as well. I thought I was still dreaming, seeing things because I was too groggy to be really awake yet. I could see right through you. I froze, I couldn't move. All I could do was stare. You were looking back at me, the light in your eyes seeming so small now, I could hardly see it. 

You're sorry, you said. You remembered now. 

I wanted you to forget. 

You were from a place called Fortuna. That much you'd never told me, but never had forgotten either. But there was a cold, dark place in Fortuna where the worlds met. Everyone said to stay away, but you went anyway. There was a train, and you didn't know where it was going, but you took it to see where it would go. And you ended up here. 

That was a long time ago, you said.

The story didn't end there. I knew it didn't. I started to cry because I started to remember, too. That pain I felt before, that there's something heavy in you creating a big hole inside, it was the pain I felt when I had lost you before. The first time we met hadn't been a few weeks ago. I had been much longer than that. Maybe a year ago. Perhaps more, but you can't really measure it because Fortuna isn't even in the same universe as Twilight Town. The worlds aren't even supposed to meet at all for this reason, and for this reason, memories about going between the worlds can never stay. Time is limited. Most people never remember more than a few days. But we remembered weeks together. And when the memories begin to fade, so do you, because your world is calling you back. Something about the balance of the universes. I don't really understand it. All I know is that it hurts. It hurts so much. 

You came back this second time because you accidentally came to that dark place in your world again, while hunting for what you called demons. You saw the train and that was when you began to remember, but you only remembered long enough to go on the train, to my world. When you arrived, you forgot again, and said you weren't supposed to be here but it was wrong. You meant to come here, because your heart made you remember me long enough to make you come see me again. 

That's why you said nothing could ever tear us apart. But as you were saying it, you faded more and more. You were practically a ghost to me now and the less visible you became, the closer you were to returning to your world altogether.

But I couldn't be alone, not again. I'd been alone for so long. I begged you not to go, told you I'd find a way to you, but you sadly said I would forget. I insisted I wouldn't, but how could you believe it wasn't simply emotionally outspoken? There was no way for you to. I saw that in your eyes.

You loved me, you said. It was the first time you'd ever said it. That much, in that instant, I knew. I regretted that it would be the last time you'd get the chance to say it. I told you I loved you, too, and as I said it, you completely vanished from my sight. I reached out for you in desperation, but there was nothing left but an empty bedside. 

I vowed I had to do something before the memories were stolen from me once again, just like the last time. So now I'm writing this down, and I'm going to fold up these pieces of paper and keep them with me. 

They're going with me to the train station. I'm going to take a train to Fortuna. I don't care if I have to take the train a hundred times or a million times, I will not only find you, but I will find a way to stay with you. Universes be damned. I'm writing this down as a promise to myself and to you.

My love for you will bring me back to you. I know it will. I'll never forget again.


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas can't remember what he was searching for. He finds everything he didn't know he was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to do a part two but the plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone so here it is!

I didn't know where I was. I didn't remember coming here or where I was even supposed to go to at all. I was standing somewhere near a huge castle but I could hardly see because it was so dark. And it was so cold. Unfortunately, my jacket wasn't enough to keep me quite warm and I wrapped my arms around myself to try and warm up. I remembered being on a train, and I remembered that it was important, but that was about it. Why couldn't I remember anything else? I just wanted to go home. I was lost, confused, and it was so, so cold and so dark....

The castle, from the outside, didn't look like it held any kind of life inside but at the time, I figured it was my only hope for, well, anything. I walked around the outside, searching for an entrance with a cold breeze blowing straight at me. It was never this cold back home. But then I heard a strange noise, and stopped immediately. It was the sound of footsteps, slightly heavy ones, and I'd sworn I'd heard those particular footsteps somewhere before. Like maybe in a dream or something. I must have been losing it, I figured.

Who's there?, I called. 

A voice called back, I could ask you the same. Out of the shadows stepped someone, giving me a curious yet confused look. I returned it with one of my own. He didn't look far from my age, but he was taller. And judging from the giant sword on his back, I probably wouldn't want to piss him off. 

He asked me if I was lost. Brilliant question. I told him I was, and that I remembered getting on a train, but I don't think this was where I was supposed to be. 

He proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't be out here, it's dangerous, and he could help get me back into town and maybe something would jog my fuzzy memory. I was a little hesitant, I mean it's not everyday that someone is so nice, but I accepted his offer. Just a gut feeling, I suppose.

As we walked back into town, he asked me what my name was. I told him it was Roxas. He seemed to smile a little and told me that his name was Nero, and offered a handshake. That hand, it wasn't human. I'd never seen one like it before. Or I thought I hadn't, anyway. It gave a sense of deja vu for some weird reason. Maybe it was just some weird cartoon I'd seen before or something. Either way, I shook it, and told him it was nice to meet him and thanked him for his help. No problem, he said. And he must have noticed me shivering, because it was right about then that he wordlessly took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. That jacket was about as tall as I was, but boy was it warm. I felt myself smile at him as I thanked him. He was really nice to me, and I guess it caught me off guard, especially when he didn't even know me at all. I told him that, and he short of shrugged and said he didn't know, he just supposed he knew what it was like to feel lost.

We came into a town that didn't look too terribly off from home, but the general architecture had its own beautiful style to it. It was intriguing. I would have loved to get a good bird's eye view of it all. If you ask me, it was the perfect time of day. The sun was setting and the town had kind of an orange glow to it. Kind of like home. It made me mention to him that there's this spot on top of this tower where I come from where you can look over the town and watch the sunset and it's the best ever. He smiled and mentioned that there's a place by a church here, somewhere up high where he goes sometimes, all by himself. That kind of stuck me as strange because he seemed so nice, why was he alone? His expression grew more serious and he just said that not everyone thinks he's so nice. Something kind of seemed wrong with that.

He took me back to his apartment. I took off his jacket, once again thanking him, and he invited to take a seat wherever and relax. It was kind of a mess, actually. Random articles of clothes scattered in various places that made it look like he usually came home after a long day, changed and threw his clothes wherever they landed and spent nights on the couch in front of the TV. The more I pictured that image, the sadder it seemed. There were empty soda cans, half empty bags of chips, and an empty but used dinner plate on the coffee table in front of it. Sorry for the mess, he said, he's been very busy with work lately. I told him it was alright and took a seat on an empty space on the couch. I asked him what kind of work he did, and he proceeded to tell me about a group called the Order of the Sword. Even though he wasn't big on all the religious stuff, he worked with them and they'd raised him. He fought demons. Well, that explained the big sword. 

I had never heard of any of this stuff. He told me this place was called Fortuna. It made no sense to me. Why would I take a train to place I never knew? I couldn't remember. I just knew I got on the train, and everything after was really fuzzy. Come to think of it, most of the stuff before that was fuzzy too. Nonetheless, I told him I used to work for an organization too, but I left. I kept things simple and just told him our leader turned out to be a nutjob and, oddly enough, he said he could relate. That was something I never expected to hear from anyone outside of Organization XIII. 

Most of the people in the Order had never really accepted him, especially when he started using a gun he built and designed himself. He didn't fit in with them. He wanted to have fun and be with the one, maybe two people he actually cared about and that was about it. He wasn't all proper and stuffy like the rest of them and most of them simply wrote him off as a foolish kid. But he was smart. I could tell. And...I actually felt like I could relate to him. This place was so much different from any other place I'd ever known, the people and the culture were far removed from what I was familiar with. But he knew what it was like to feel outcasted, lost, looked down on even though you're trying your hardest, and just wanting to belong somewhere. Maybe even with someone if you're lucky. 

We continued to talk. We learned that we both liked to skateboard and we both liked ice cream, even though he said he'd never had sea-salt before. He'd have to try it sometime, I told him. I knew he'd love it. I mean, I eat it all the time. 

Out of nowhere, he asked me if I was sure we'd never met before. He said he was getting the weirdest feeling of deja vu. I didn't think so, I told him. I mean, I was pretty sure I would remember a guy with a giant sword and a nonhuman arm. He chuckled a little, said that was a good point, and we changed the subject. Despite what I'd said, I kept getting that deja vu feeling too. But it didn't make any sense, so I shrugged it off. 

We stayed up for pretty much the whole night. We didn't do anything special, just talked. That was it. It was so crazy, because I never remembered talking to anyone this much in my life. In a way, it was kind of scary. I wasn't sure why, though, but for some reason I was...afraid to get too close. But at the same time, the more I learned about him, the more I wanted to know. It was so confusing and something inside of me was pounding so hard because of it. These feelings weren't normal, and I didn't know what they were, even though it seemed like I had felt them somewhere before. But where? That couldn't be possible. Could it?

I told him that. That there were these confusing feelings inside me as I was talking to him and I didn't understand it. I don't know why I told him, but I did. Maybe it was in part frustration. Or maybe it was because I really feeling like I could trust him. He looked a little sad and after some hesitation, confessed that I wasn't the only one feeling a little...off. 

It was at this point I was afraid of going back home. That was the strange thing. I was in a place I didn't know, talking to a guy I barely knew, with no real way to get home and I was afraid to go back. Why? 

I told him I thought I was losing my mind, and he said that it was okay, because so was he. He moved a little closer, placing his hand against my cheek. I looked at him a little surprised, that pounding in my chest suddenly intensifying. As though he could sense the swirl of emotions swelling up within me, he told me once again that it was okay, and leaned in and kissed me. 

It felt like something burst inside me, releasing something I was keeping deeper than I knew. I fumbled around, reaching for his hand and found the nonhuman one, wrapping my own around it, and I kissed him back. It was so nerve wracking to kiss him, but exhilarating all the same. It felt amazing and I couldn't let go. He didn't stop, either. It must have been close to 4 or 5 in the morning at this point. The kisses grew deeper, more intense, our bodies even closer. It was so crazy that I was doing this not only for the first time, but going so long with someone I had just met. I couldn't explain it, I was just drawn to him on every level. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. I wanted every part of him and the more he kissed me, the more determined I was to have it all. 

We somehow ended up on the floor, him hovering over me, pinning my wrists above my head with a single hand. I wasn't uncomfortable by any means. I trusted him completely. By this point my body and the whole room around us seemed to heat way up and I could hardly breathe. I heard him panting as well as he leaned down and whispered in my ear that he wanted to have me. Please. It was a plea and if I didn't know any better, there was a sense of desperation in him. I sensed it, I felt it and maybe it was my own. I not only gave him permission, but expressed the desire was mutual. And we made love. 

***

I woke up some time after the fact entangled around him. We were still nude. Our legs were intertwined and we were wrapped up in each other's arms, warm and comfortable with a blanket on the living room floor. We never moved from the same spot the whole night. We didn't need a bed. 

To be fair, I wasn't fully awake. I was still in that dreamy, half asleep state where I wasn't fully registering the situation I was in, but I was happy. I'd been happy like this before, but I couldn't recall where or when. All I knew was that this guy holding me against his chest felt like home. I didn't even know him for a full 24 hours yet. Crazy, huh? 

I felt him slip from my arms and gave a tired, unappreciative noise from the warmth that had left me. I felt the blanket being adjusted around me and curled up a little, falling back asleep for a little bit. 

I don't think I was out for much longer though. I woke up a short time later once again, sitting up slowly and rubbing my eyes as I recalled the night before. I was far from home and didn't know how to get back. I was in Nero's apartment. We'd talked, we'd kissed, and....we'd made love. 

Wow.

As my eyes adjusted, I looked around and found him on the couch behind him, sitting in a pair of shorts reading over a couple of pieces of paper, looking sad. I actually thought he might have been crying, but he quickly rubbed over his face with the back of his hand as I sat up. I felt cold inside and I didn't know why.

I called his name and asked him what was wrong. 

He looked at me, his eyes glistening, and held out the pieces of paper to me and asked me how long I had this on me. 

I was scared at this point. What was going on? I didn't take the papers and told him I didn't know what he was talking about. I didn't have any papers on me when I left except maybe my train ticket. This wasn't a train ticket, he said. And it had slipped out of my jacket pocket at some point last night after we'd taken off our clothes and he stumbled on it this morning. I still didn't take it. Please take it, he said, please just read it. 

I did. And I was not prepared for what I read.

It was my own writing, a few pages of it. It was a story, or a letter really. I couldn't remember writing it. But no one else could have written this, could they? The more I read of it, the more I began to shake. And as I shake I started to cry. Tears formed in my eyes before I realized it, soon dripping on the papers I was holding. I felt like I was falling apart. 

Roxas, Nero said softly without moving from his spot just yet. Do you remember?

I did. I remembered everything. 

He moved down quickly from the couch and closer to me, putting an arm around me. He made soothing noises and told me it was all okay, it would all be okay. How could it be okay?, I demanded. If I remember, I'll go back. I can't stay here if I remember. That's what happened to you last time, don't you see? I'm going to fade away and go back home and leave you again. We're destined to be apart no matter what we do because of the stupid rules of the stupid universes.

Roxas, he said my name softly once again. I can still see you. You're not fading away. 

I was shocked and confused, because I fully expected him to be seeing right through me right now, as I start to return to return to my own world, but he said it wasn't the case. Could it be...could it be that I could stay? I wouldn't care where we were, I just wanted to be with him forever. That was it. Everything else was secondary. He reached for a knife that had been sitting on the empty plate on the coffee table and held it under my face, telling me to look at it. In it I could see my reflection, clear as day. I couldn't see through my reflection to anything behind me. I wasn't fading away. 

But how? I asked. Hell if he knew, he said. But it had to do with the letter. I explained to him that I had written it just after he faded away because I was scared to forget. Maybe, he said, maybe I poured all of our memories from our hearts into it, and now they can never leave us. But wouldn't I have to return to my own world? 

He smiled and said, maybe the universal balances have shifted. Maybe your home isn't there anymore. Maybe it's with me now. And as he said it I knew. My home wasn't a world trapped in darkness or one caught in an eternal sunset. My home was the heart of another that made me feel I belonged somewhere and reminded me that I wasn't alone. Even across universes, from that first time we met I always had a part of him with me. Now we could always be together. I guess the third time really is the charm.


End file.
